WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
