Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
