if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
