i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
