Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
