I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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