Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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