just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
