i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
