he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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