I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
