What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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