I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize