she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
