so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
