9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
