My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
