he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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