Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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