when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
