I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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