my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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