I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
