Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
