Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
