Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
