...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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