is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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