I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
