Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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