My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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