His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
