I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
