It's just like the Real World with babies
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
