It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
