you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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