And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
