I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
