So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
