I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
