Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
