Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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