Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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