I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
