508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it hurts more in the daytime
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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