We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
