are you still at the devil's house?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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