I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
