hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
