I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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