If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
