I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
