True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
