Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
